July 17th

Wednesday 17th

 Mr Bell called between ten and eleven, and said he had just been with Mr Gray, and that he was perfectly satisfied about the money, and had no claim upon me, and that he was come by his desire to accompany me to the Court. and was himself cited as a witness. I went with him to the private room I was in before, and Mr Gray came soon after. He left the room, and after a short time returned and called out Mr Bell, desiring me to remain where I was. after being absent a short time he came back, with one of the inferior officers of the court and Mrs Knight, the man led her up to me and said “Do you know this Lady? And she replied No I do not; they then went out. I stood up at her approach, not being aware at first who she was. After waiting some further time, Mr Bell went to enquire if we must stay any longer, and soon returned saying we were now at liberty to depart, and that I should not be required to attend any more, that we had staid thus long in order to get leave for Mrs Bell's deposition to be taken at her own house. as she persisted in refusing to attend the court; and they had obtained this favor under the plea of her being in the family way; and frightened at the thoughts of appearing there. Returned and wrote a note to Mr Hazlitt, to leave in case he was out, saying that I would call on him at two o'clock. I left it, and went on to Mr Ritchie's he was engaged with some gentlemen and desired me to call the next day at twelve. Said he had just heard my business was concluded. and that he thought the forty pounds Mr Hazlitt had paid would nearly cover the whole expence. Went again to Mr H- he had not been in, and I left word I would call at four, as they said they expected him then. Came home very much affected and nervous. The morning cold drizzly rain and fog. cleared a little in the afternoon. Saw Mr Hazlitt at four o'clock, he was at dinner but I stopped and drank tea with him. he told me that all was done now, unless Mrs Bell should make any demur in the part required of her, which he feared, as she was quite a devil; and if she could not have her own way, immediately had recourse to hysterics, that her husband was in her power, from his former misconduct and she let him have neither peace at home, or money in his pocket. That as to the manner in which he had spoken of me; he went there extremely irritated and nervous, from suspecting that I would stop short in the business, as I had threatened to do, unless he sent me money immediately and other people plagueing him elsewhere, when she fell upon him and told him he used me very ill, and might be ashamed of himself to spend his time and money among women of the town as he did, and he answered that he knew nothing about that. I had my intrigues too, and was quite as bad. and that I was no maid when he married me, and repeated the story of Mr Thomas, and all his other jealousies. I told him how Bell had insulted me, and afterwards came to apologize by pleading drunkenness, and the character he had heard of me from him. and swearing he would not go away without a kiss in token of forgiveness, and his starting away on my calling Mrs. Pillans. at which he laughed and said that Bell told him he was forced to refrain from coming near me for fear of being drawn aside. I then told him what he had said about Patmore. Sarah Walker and her letters, which he seemed much interested in and exclaimed What a lying son of a Bitch! they were merely letters of business beginning Sir, such an one has been here for you &c. that she had only written twice, when he was at the Renton Inn. and he was mad at her discontinuing to write at all. That he also told me my letter about the money had been handed about in the Court—I did not care if it were so but that Mr Ritchie said it was a direct falsehood. That he also told me that Mrs Dow wanted him to marry her daughter, and the impediment to that was that she had bad teeth and a foul mouth. That if he had known the awfulness of the form, he wou'd not have taken the oath to-day upon any consideration, and nothing should ever induce him to take another in Scotland. to which I had replied that the meaning was the same every where, and if people spoke the truth the form was of little consequence. he observed that he had much need to make these scruples. After the forgery” he had been guilty of, and obliged to fly to America. He said as to his insinuations about Patmore, he believed he had never even seen her above twice, and that was when he came to visit him. But that her conduct seemed quite inexplicable to him, and every one he had told it to. that she professed the greatest fondness, affection and esteem for him & for the last year and an half, had made a constant practise of coming up and sitting on his knee for two or three hours every day of her life, with her arms round his neck, kissing him and expressing the greatest love and attachment. and that he had done every thing but go to bed to her. yet though he made the warmest love to her. she either had no passions, and her fondness was all deceit. or she had the most astonishing controul over them. for there she stopped short. and declared that all this fondling was only friendship and the story she told was that there was a courtship and affection subsisting between herself and a young man who lodged in their house about three years ago, but that some obstacles arising to the match it was broken off by mutual consent, and she would never have any body. Yet the very first time she came to wait on him, which was three days after he came to the lodgings. she made a dead set at him. that he was struck with her appearance and elegant manners, and told her so, and when she got to the door she turned round and stared him full in the face. that her manner ever since had been calculated to draw him on, and that he thought it was nothing but the winning softness and fondness of her manners which he had never met in any other woman that had inveigled him. for she was not at all pretty that her eyes were the worst and had the worst expression he had ever seen. of hypocrisy and design, and had a poor slimy watery look. yet she was well made and had handsome arms. I said it did not appear to me at all the sort of beauty he used to admire, which was plump, and she was as thin and bony as the scrag end of a neck of mutton. that I thought the female figure in the picture at Dalkeith house much more to his taste: he fancied it was like her. I said it was much nearer my form in the thighs the fall of the back and the contour of the whole figure. he said, I was very well made. He said he had two opposite opinions of Sarah Walker at different times. that Patmore, Roscoe, who lodged in the house for four years, and married her sister for love, and said that it had been the source of happiness to him ever since, and the wisest thing he ever did, and who was a sensible well informed young man. and most other people thought her one of the best girls in the world. and he often thought so too. and that she really was fond of him. Then again he fancied she was a complete designing hypocritical devil who only intended to mislead and make a fool of him, and was playing a game to ensnare him, but her character began to be blown now, for he had told every body the whole of her conduct to him I said I thought the last the nearest the truth; and that if he ever did marry her he would repent it. He said that they had had some terrible rows and quarrels in the house: that her father came up one day and saw her in her usual posture on his knee, and said he was so shocked and astonished at the discovery, he did not know what to think or what was going on. to which he replied if you are astonished & at a loss, I am no less so to account for her conduct, for I can assure you that in the very posture and manner in which you found her, it has been her constant practice to spend two or three hours every day; and pretend it is all out of pure friendship He said that the father and mother both acknowledged that they could not keep her out of his room; that she never staid with any other lodger which he said he had himself observed. and that she told them that there was no harm nor any thing wrong between them, but that he talked to her, and she liked his conversation. He said that the mother was the most disgusting, vulgar old wretch that could be and corrupted her children's minds by her bawdy indecent conversation. though he had never heard an improper or indelicate word from the girl yet it had often struck him, that they had never objected to the girls of the town coming up to him continually, and that Sarah would often send them up when her mother had said he was not at home. for which they praised her and said she was a nice girl. I told him it showed what the house and the people were well enough. He said he was determined to ascertain what the real state of things was, and was going up to the house. to watch her narrowly. and perhaps he might kill her and himself too, when he got there. I told him it was like his frenzy about Sally Shepherd. he said that was but a flea-bite, nothing at all to this, for she had never pretended to love him; but all along declared she did not; but this was the only person who ever really seemed, and professed to be fond of him: he was only sorry he had not ravished her the first week he came into the house. Said he would set off to London by the mail that night, though he thought he should be detained by illness, or die on the road; for he had been penned up in that room for five months, in a state as if he was surrounded by demons, and unable to do any work, and he thought he had lost the job to Italy. but to get out of Scotland would seem like the road to paradise. I told him, he had done a most injudicious thing in publishing what he did in the Magazine about Sarah Walker, particularly at this time, and that he might be sure it would be made use of against him, and that every body in London had thought it a most improper thing, and Mr John Hunt was quite sorry that he had so committed himself. he said that he was sorry too, but that it was done without his knowledge or consent. That Colbourn had got hold of it by mistake with other papers, and publishing it without sending him the proofs. He had never intended it for that book at all, but for a Table Talk. and that it had hurt the girl too, and done her an injury. That her profile, when she put on one of her demure looks and turned her head on one side, which she generally did when with him, was very good. I said I should send to his lodgings to know where the child was as soon as I arrived, as he did not seem to think he should take him from Mr Hunt least it might hinder his operations. he told me I could come just as usual he only wished me to take no notice of any thing to the girl, or show her any unkindness. For that was one thing her mother, though not herself had complained of and told him I looked as if I was displeased, and suspected something wrong was going on. I observed that was true enough, and her own conscience told her so. but that I never spoke to any of them but to ask for what I wanted. He asked me where I should be in town, and I told him at Christie’s. he enquired what kind of people they were. I told him a very respectable quiet young couple. lately married: he desired me to take care of myself, and keep up a respectable appearance as I had money enough to do so. He wished he could marry some woman with a good fortune, that he might not be under the necessity of writing another line; and be enabled to provide for the child, and do something for John. and that now his name was known in the literary world he thought there was a chance for it; though he could not pretend to any thing of the kind before. Had no money to give me to come away, but thought I had better send to my brother for five pounds, and he would give it me again when I came to town. I left Mr Henderson with him pressing him to accompany him to the Highlands; but he seemed after some hesitation to prefer going to London. though I left the matter uncertain. he had been dawdling backward and forward about it for three weeks, wishing to have the credit of taking him there, but grudging the money. though he was living upon us for a week together in London. Mr Hazlitt said that if he went to Winterslow he would take the child, as he wished to have him a little with him: so I thought he had better go with the first that went, as I did not think of staying in town more than two or three weeks; and then making some stay at Winterslow, and proceeding afterwards to Crediton. He said we could settle that best in town. Mrs Dow brought in her bill, which he just looked at and said Is that the whole Ma’am? Yes Sir, you had better look it over and see that it is correct if you please. That Ma'am, is one of the troubles I get rid of. I never do it. You are a very indolent man Sir. There is a balance of twenty four shillings Ma'am, can you have so much confidence in me as to let me have that? No Sir, I can’t do that for I have not the money. I shall be glad then Ma'am if you will let me have the four shillings, and you may pay the pound to Mrs Hazlitt on Saturday, or when it comes, she will be here. Yes Sir. and Mrs Hazlitt may look over the bill if she pleases. She returned with the four shillings, saying she had been to two or three places to get that. Thank you Ma'am, this may save me from some great calamity to-night perhaps. From spending more Sir. Went from thence to Leith, and took my place in the Smack, Favourite, to sail on Friday at 2 P.M. paid one pound in advance.

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